WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
