haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
