Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
