you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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