your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
