I think I died a long time ago.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
