I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
well you can't waste a boner
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
