If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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