My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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