Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
