im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
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