We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
