this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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