allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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