It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
