Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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