Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
