pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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