she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
