Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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