My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
