Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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