is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
