Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
