Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
