I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
please come you make the beer taste better
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
