my soul wont recognize me after tonight
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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