my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
