she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
