You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
