I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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