Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
