and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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