I think I won the penis lottery.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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