So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
