Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
