I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
