i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
