If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
