Where are you?
In a non slutty way
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
