My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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