I think my vagina is haunted
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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