Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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