thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
