help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
