also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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