someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
