i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
