i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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