Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
