Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
