Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
