I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
