this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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