Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
